So papa passed away yesterday,10.10.2011 at 5 58 pm IST at the age of 56.He was born on 9 Jan 1955 and we were all hoping for the diwali and the next birthday with him as a FAMILY but the time ran out….his and ours as a family…Only solace is the suffering ended and he did suffer a lot in recent times..and he died in my arms surrounded by his family and I hope he felt the love……till the last moment and did not feel alone!!
My mother didnt get her karwa chauth and I didnt get another conversation,lecture,piece of advice and a moment of being a daughter to a parent who was as flawed and as as human as everyone else but to me he was MY super hero…In my eyes he was PERFECT and if not that then he is my papa strongest…
I am grappling to deal with the grief but the only thing I can seem to think of is to pay homage to him and hope people who knew him dont forget him and his legacy carries on…
I am waiting for him(his body) to come home at this moment and its STILL not registered than I will never hear his voice EVER and he will NEVER be there…not for my marriage…not for the birth of my children or to be there when I become something in this world…He just wont be there
I am sitting outside alone away from the family which is threatening to drown you in their concern trying to remember his essence,hold on to a part of him which is still here and which I still feel and just BE
But the rituals of death are meant to distract you and damn you with the details I feel…its mind numbing and also soothing to look for the pundit,the flowers,the arthi,the samagri,to clean the house and to prepare for his arrival and then his bidai…his last walk out of this world…
My mother is numbed out and in shock and my brother has been made to grow up and take on the responsibility of the family mantle..he is the ‘man’ of the house now and I am the eldest…the mantle is heavy!!
The entire extended family has rallied around…..friends and lovers are here too…
He is a man much loved,beloved and remembered…
From his friends,to his classmates to his batch mates to the men he served in the army with and their children ..all of them!!
In all of this my memory of my dad is still mine and what I remember includes..
A man who understood family and did everything he could for the family
A strong proud man who didnt like being a burden to anyone
A man who never gave up
A man who fought for his life and won again and again….till a month ago when the pain became unbearable and finally yesterday he gave up…
A man with the brain of a scientist….and the will of a rock..
A man who was physically weak but mentally the strongest always
A man who tried to teach me patience in life but perhaps gave me the gift of the same in his death
A man with the wanderlust but not the strength…
A thoughtful man who secured the life of his family after his death
A father with only one unfulfilled wish or responsibility of seeing me married…
A man who held on till the last minute
A father whose son will make him proud
A husband whose wife is the pillar of strength
A brother and son the entire family cannot replace or hope to forget
A man fortunate enough to LIVE life and God’s child to LOSE it so soon…much too soon..
He was too young to die and in too much pain to hold on…
But he retained his sense of humour till the last breadth and that more than anything else is what I will remember
A laughing man with a big heart and a bigger ambition for love,life and family..
My dad is gone from the world but he will always stay in my heart and our hearts and live on through our eyes and lives…
We will make you proud papa…wait and watch!!
Lots of love and my last goodbye…!
Thank you for dieing with me and not alone and holding on for both me and vicky to bid you farewell!!
Muah…!!You will be missed terribly!
P.s.-When you come back as Vicky’s child or mine you will be spoilt,pampered and healthy…..provided you did your homework and played for atleast an hour of course….cheeky grin:)!!
P.p.s.-You have to be a Sangwan to get the Joke.Child is indeed the father of man
